It's hidden far away
But someday I may tell
The tale of metal tangle
When into your world I fell
Without you now I wander soaking
Secretly afraid
'Cause in your grasp the fears don't last
(And some of them have stayed)
Chapter 14
His scent coated me, and filled the air. I opened my eyes and found his face buried in my chest and my arms wrapped around him, and I wasn’t surprised. I’d dreamt about him all night. It was just like before. Ten years hadn’t changed the fact that as soon as Justin Taylor entered my life, it was like I was in quicksand. I could struggle, but there was no way out of it.
Fuck.
He was still deep asleep, so I carefully untangled our legs and pulled away from him. His forehead wrinkled and he whimpered.
I leaned down and brushed his hair out of his face, and kissed his forehead. It was all I could do to not curl back up against him and go back to sleep. I wanted to pretend that everything was okay, that we were like before, but I couldn’t.
So I got up, and took a shower, and got dressed. When I came back into the bedroom, he was sitting up.
“I’ve got to go to work,” I said.
I didn’t know what I expected him to do. Maybe he would be upset about last night. Maybe he would act like it meant nothing. Maybe he would pretend it hadn’t happened. Maybe he’d still be too upset over his father to even process it.
But when he stood up and walked to me, completely nude, and kissed me, and smiled, I was stunned.
“See you later,” was all he said.
Well. Hmm. I felt the corners of my mouth tug up, and I fought it as much as I could. I didn’t know what to say, so I turned and grabbed my briefcase, and left. Was he going to be there when I got home?
Fuck. I knew this feeling. It was hope. I thought I’d gotten every ounce of that out of my system a long time ago. I hated hope. It was never right, and it never worked out, and it just made things hurt more when they ended.
So why was I smiling like an idiot?
When I walked into Kinnetik, Cynthia approached me. “Hey, boss,” she said cheerfully. “Today you’ve got a meeting with-“
I arched an eyebrow at her. “Yes?”
“Are you okay?” she asked.
What the fuck. “Is there a reason I shouldn’t be?”
“No, it’s just… well…” She squinted at me and leaned in as if she was telling me an extremely embarrassing secret. “You look happy.”
Fuck. For a moment I thought about denying it, fighting it, doing everything I could to not feel anything. But the truth was, it felt good. And even if I fought it, when Sunshine left, I’d be just as fucked as ever. So I just shrugged and let myself smile.
Cynthia paled.
“I am, a bit,” I said.
She followed me to my office, listing off my meetings and projects that I’d need to take care of, and I was barely listening. Justin was at the loft. Justin was in my bed. My body still ached, my muscles sore, from having fucked him so hard the night before.
Yeah. I had good reason to be happy.
“Brian, I have a few forms I need you to sign for-“
I looked up and now Ted was standing next to Cynthia at my desk. I arched an eyebrow at him.
“Um… are you okay?” He looked concerned.
“Why the fuck does everyone keep asking me that?” I rolled my eyes.
“Well, you look happy,” Ted said, shrugging. “It’s not exactly a common occurrence.”
Cynthia nodded. “You are smiling.”
“If I give you both a raise, will you shut up about how I look for five minutes?” I smirked and folded my hands on my desk.
“A raise?!” Cynthia squealed.
Ted’s eyes widened. “R-really?”
I nodded, looking back down at the papers I needed to sign. “Profits have gone up, and you’re both responsible for that. I think a small raise is in order.”
Cynthia put her hands on my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “Thank you!”
Ted was smiling widely. “Wow, Brian… yeah, thanks!”
I flattened my hair back out and arched an eyebrow at them. “Theodore, arrange the raises. I trust you to pick something appropriate.”
They both gaped at me. What the fuck, it wasn’t like they were working for Scrooge. What was the big deal?
“Unless you’d rather stand there and gape at me like idiots,” I snapped.
That got their attention. They both nodded, Cynthia saluted me, and then left my office.
I smiled again, and went back to my work. Maybe I was acting oddly.
***
It was lunch time, and I was considering going out to get something, when I heart a loud gasp coming from down the hall, and a squeal, and I couldn’t resist standing up to go investigate. Had Cynthia won the lottery, or was she just having extremely good sex in the lobby?
When I got there, I froze,
and bit my lower lip. Here was another situation I didn’t know how
to deal with.
”Yeah, I just got back in town.”
Cynthia was hugging Sunshine so tightly I thought he might burst. “This explains so much!”
Ted was standing there, too,
(didn’t he ever do any work?) and smiling widely. “Why didn’t you
tell us you were back?!”
”Things have been a little crazy,” Justin replied, and when Cynthia let him go,
our eyes met. He grinned.
And fuck me, but I grinned back.
“Brian,” Ted walked over and nudged me with his elbow. “This explains why you’ve been so cheerful.”
My smile faded into a scowl, and I glared at him. “Do you want to keep your raise, Schmidt?”
Smiling widely, Ted and Cynthia both turned and hurried back to their offices. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.
“And to what do I owe the honor?” I asked, trying to keep my eyes focused on anything but Justin’s face.
He approached me and handed me a brown bag. “I thought I’d bring you some lunch.”
What the fuck. I arched an eyebrow at him. “Oh, honey, how sweet.”
He laughed and smacked the back of my head. Why the fuck did people keep doing that? It was like they were all getting possessed by Debbie. “For last night.”
Fuck. I was grinning again.
“My mom called. My dad’s going to be okay. They operated, and he’ll have to stay in the hospital a few days, but he should be fine.”
I nodded. “Well, I guess that’s good news.”
He laughed. “Yeah. Well… he also said he wanted to see me when he got out. Something about having his life threatened and almost dying being enough to make him think about things.” His eyes were sparkling. “You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”
I raised my eyebrows and shrugged. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
He put a hand on the back of my head and leaned up to give me a very deep kiss. When we parted, we were both breathing a little more heavily than we were before.
“Michael and Emmet wanted me and you and Ted to meet them after you get off work.”
I licked my lips. What was he saying? Oh. Dinner with the guys. “Sure,” I said. “Whatever.” I was far too distracted to give a damn about anyone else, or what I would be doing in a few hours.
He was beaming at me. “See you at Woody’s at 5:30.” With that, he spun around and left the building, and I watched his ass until the door shut behind him.
I looked down at my hands, and I was holding the bag. I opened it, and there was a huge sandwich inside. He’d probably even put mayonnaise on it. I swear to god, he was trying to make me fat.
I smiled again, and then sighed.
What the fuck was I doing?!
***
“And the prodigal son has returned,” Michael said, pinching Justin’s arm. “Took you long enough.”
Emmet jumped up and squealed and hugged him.
Ted just patted him on the back.
They all looked so fucking happy to have him back. The problem was, so did I.
We were sitting around a table at Woody’s, just like old times. Fuck old times. I must be a glutton for punishment. I knew where this would go. I knew exactly where I was going to end up. But somehow, right this moment, I didn’t care all that much.
“Oh, Gus said he’d be joining us,” Michael said.
I smirked. “Right, and he’ll get in here how?”
“The same way we did when we were fifteen, Brian. Fake IDs.” Michael was grinning proudly, as if this was a good thing.
“Little punk,” I mumbled into my beer.
“So, why did you finally
decide to leave the big city and come back to little ol’
“I missed it,” Justin said.
“Besides, what could
Ted nodded and raised his beer. “Right. We’re so much more interesting than Broadway.”
“Well, I think it’s sweet,” Emmet said, giving me a knowing look. “It’s romantic.”
I felt my smile fade quickly. “What the fuck is so romantic about it?”
“Well, that you two are… you know, finally together again!” Emmet replied.
I suddenly felt all eyes on me. I rolled my eyes and took another swig of beer. “And who exactly told you that?”
Justin ducked his head, and the three stooges all gave me worried looks.
“What?!” I snapped. Now this was a way to ruin my good mood.
“Well, we sort of assumed…” Ted said, looking sheepish.
“You assumed wrong,” I said. When the fuck did this become an inquisition?
“But you did miss him,” Michael said.
“Brian Kinney doesn’t miss people, Mikey.” Fucking asshole. I never should have apologized to him.
“That’s not what you said last night,” Justin said, staring down at the table. He looked almost… sad.
I shut my eyes and bit the inside of my cheek. Fuck.
“Aha! I knew it!” Emmet said, sounding thrilled.
“Same old Brian,” Ted said. “Never one to admit how he feels.”
“Fuck you, Theodore.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“I wondered why you didn’t come home last night,” Michael said, grinning widely.
“You stayed the night?!” Emmet gasped.
Ted looked impressed. “Way to go, Brian.”
I gripped my glass tightly. I should never have come here. I should never have brought him home with me. I shouldn’t even have invited him to have fucking pancakes.
“Hey, guys.”
I turned my head, and Gus was standing there. I’d have to give him an even bigger check than I’d planned to for Christmas, to thank him for being a distraction.
I arched an eyebrow at him. “Aren’t you a little young for this sort of establishment?”
He pulled up a chair on Justin’s other side, and grabbed my beer, taking a swig. “Nah.”
“Like father, like son,” Ted said.
I was about to give the boy a little more shit, because he obviously needed to be brought down a few notches, when I noticed the look on his face. He looked… different. And ever so slightly flushed. And was that a hickey on his neck?
Oh, hell.
I stood up and grabbed his arm, pulling him towards the door.
“Hey! C’mon, dad, it’s not fair!” He yanked against me and I sighed.
”I don’t give a shit if you want to have a few drinks.” I waited until I had him
outside, and I leaned against the wall and folded my arms. “So? Who was he?”
He hesitated, sizing me up, trying to figure out what to say. But he didn’t need to say anything. I could tell. Besides, his ears were turning red, like they always did when he was guilty of something.
“Some guy,” he mumbled.
I rolled my eyes. “And?”
He ducked his head and bit his lower lip. I waited. The kid was going to have to talk to me. I knew how much it sucked to have to open up, that’s for damn sure, but he was my son. I had to make sure he wasn’t doing anything stupid, and then he could fuck around all he wanted.
“We used a condom,” he mumbled.
I nodded. “Right answer.”
He looked back up at me, and he was obviously embarrassed.
I smirked. “So? Where’d you meet him?”
He glanced away again, and he looked even more guilty.
“Aha.
“I uh…” He was squirming now, and I couldn’t help but be amused.
“Look, sonnyboy, I told them to let you in if you ever showed up with some shitty fake ID. I’d rather you pick up guys at my club, where someone can keep an eye on you, than on the fucking street.”
I turned and opened the door for him, and followed him back inside. The kid was okay. That was the important thing. Of course, I’d take him to get his first test before he went home to the munchers. If he was going to fuck around, he was going to be responsible about it.
“What was that about?” Michael asked, eyeing us.
“What’s wrong, baby?” Emmet asked.
“He wasn’t at your place last night, was he?” I asked Emmet. “That’s what the note he left me said, but…”
Everyone’s eyes widened.
“I uh… well…” He squirmed. Good. A little embarrassment would keep him in line.
“You didn’t,” Justin said slowly.
“At fifteen? Wow, he really does take after his father,” Michael said, looking amused.
I shrugged. “What did you expect?”
Gus looked around at all of us, then slowly smiled. “I thought I was going to be in such deep shit.”
They all laughed. I grabbed an extra glass and poured him a very small portion of beer out of my glass. Better he did this shit with me, and told me about it, than did worse and hid it. At least this way I could keep an eye on him. “Well, don’t tell your mothers, or you’ll never get to visit me again.”
He nodded quickly and took a gulp of the beer.
“So? Who was he?” Justin asked.
I sat back and drank my beer.
“Some guy,” he mumbled. “From
My entire body tensed. Oh, fuck. Oh, FUCK no.
“His boyfriend dumped him-“
Justin turned and gave me a look that said everything I was feeling.
“And? Details!” Emmet said, leaning forward. “Was he a hottie?”
Gus grinned widely. “Yeah.”
“How old was he?” Justin asked, turning back to Gus.
“I dunno, early 20s,” Gus said.
“An older man, huh?” Michael smirked at me.
“Your first time, too,” Ted said, shaking his head.
“Sounds familiar.” Emmet gave me an evil grin.
Bastards, all of them.
“I know it can be confusing, having an older man take advantage of you, but-“ Justin started to say. Taking advantage? Who the hell was he talking about? I never took advantage of him…
“He didn’t take advantage of me,” Gus replied. “And anyway, I fucked him.”
I snorted. “Good job, sonnyboy.”
Justin laughed. “Okay, then I won’t give you the rest of the speech.” He hesitated, then frowned at him. “But did you get his name?”
Gus nodded. “Calvin, I think.”
“Fuck,” I mumbled. “Figures.”
Justin sighed. “Well, Gus, looks like we’ve got a few more things in common.”
“Oh, god,” Michael moaned. “You just fucked Justin’s ex.”
Gus flushed and his eyes widened. “Huh?!”
Emmet laughed, and Ted just smirked at me.
“Doesn’t that make this all a little incestuous, Brian?” Ted asked.
“I’m revoking your raise if you say one more fucking thing, Theodore,” I snapped. I needed more beer.
Gus was giving me a worried look. “Dad?”
I sighed and rested my chin on my hand and my elbow on the table. “Well, Sunshine? He was your ex, you tell the child.”
“Um… well, he’s a nice guy,” Justin said hesitantly. “But… well…” He reached out and placed a hand on Gus’ shoulder. “I don’t think he’s going to be interested in dating someone so young.”
Gus laughed and pushed Justin’s hand off. “What? Who the hell is looking to date?! Especially someone so much older than me! That’d be crazy, trying to date the first guy I’m with.”
I snorted, and the three stooges laughed.
Justin just scowled at all of us.
“What?” Gus asked, oblivious.
“Nothing, sonnyboy. Good for you.” I poured a little more beer into his glass, and took a big swig of my own.
“Oh, I got a call from your mothers, Gus,” Michael said. “They said they got your message, and they’ll be flying in on Saturday.”
I almost choked. “What?!” I gasped when I finally set the glass down.
Gus glanced at me and bit his lower lip. “Oh, uh… nothing. They just decided they wanted to spend Christmas here after all.”
“Yeah, and they’ll all be staying with us, so I can see JR,” Michael said, smiling widely.
Gus nodded, staring down at the table. “They said I should sleep over there while they’re here. Uncle Mikey has enough room for all of us.”
That. Little. Shit. I knew what the fuck he was up to. Forget the extra money, he’ll be lucky if he gets anything.
Everyone gave me a knowing look, and I shut my eyes and sighed. There was nothing I could say. I could play along and pretend that Sunshine was going to stay over there, too, but I wasn’t sure anymore. I had thought for sure that he’d be going back to Mikey’s, but…
I wasn’t sure about anything anymore. My head was spinning. My whole fucking world was off-balance, and now Melanie and Lindsay were being thrown into the mix. PERFECT.
This time, I ordered some shots. Beer wasn’t strong enough for this bullshit.
***
When we left the bar, full of alcohol and ridiculous amounts of greasy food that I really shouldn’t have eaten, Gus nudged me.
“I’m gonna go stay at Uncle Mikey’s tonight,” he said.
“You’re going to come home with me,” I replied. “And you’re going to stop trying to fuck around with your father’s life. It’s none of your goddamn bus-“
I tried to say something more, but Justin had come up behind me, and placed a hand on my ass, and pressed his lips to the back of my neck, and suddenly it was hard to think. Fuck.
“Yeah, right, dad,” Gus said, shaking his head. “You two have fun.”
He turned and ran after Michael, and I was left there on the sidewalk with Justin pressed up against me.
FUCK.
“Look, Sunshine,” I started, but he circled me, and wrapped his arms around my neck, and pressed his lips to mine.
He tasted good. His lips were soft.
Wasn’t I going to say something?
Oh, right.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I asked, trying to sound sure of myself, like he hadn’t just made me instantly hard and delirious with just one kiss.
He grinned at me and ducked his head, looking up at me from under those long lashes of his. “I thought I was getting you ready.”
I’m going to send him away. I’m going to tell him to fuck off. “For what?” I asked, trying to sound annoyed.
He leaned up and pressed his lips to my ear. “I’m going to give you the best blowjob you’ve ever had. I’m going to run my tongue up and down your cock and suck on you so hard, and when you come, I’m going to swallow every last drop.”
Suddenly my mouth was dry and my cock was throbbing.
Never mind about sending him away. I could worry about that shit tomorrow. I could worry about plenty of things tomorrow. Right now, I was going to get him home, and in bed, and make him show me exactly what he was talking about.
***
Lyrics: “Sample in a Jar” by Phish