When an irresistible force such as you
meets an old immovable object like me
you can bet as sure as you live
something's gotta give, something's gotta give,
something's gotta give.

When an irrepressible smile such as yours
warms an old implacable heart such as mine
don't say no because I insist.
Somewhere, somehow,
someone's gonna be kissed.

Chapter 30

We’d eaten bacon, eggs, and pancakes for brunch. Justin had cooked, despite my protests about keeping my dainty figure, and I hadn’t bothered to argue anymore. Besides, it had smelled delicious.

We ate on the sofa in our underwear. Kinnetik was closed for the day. It was New Years Eve, after all. We watched reruns of I Love Lucy despite my protests, because Justin wanted to, and I even admitted to enjoying it a little. After all, I’d grown up on it, it was always on at Michael’s place. Debbie had loved loud-mouthed red-heads. Wonder why.

Then we watched Rio Bravo on AMC. Despite Justin’s protests, he ended up enjoying it. Show me a fag who doesn’t want Dean Martin or Ricky Nelson. Sunshine was going to have to get over his “no cowboy movies” policy if we were going to be together.

Then he fell asleep with his head in my lap, and I took deep, slow breaths to calm my nerves.

I had plans for this afternoon. We were supposed to meet the guys at the diner for dinner, and then go to Babylon for the big New Years Eve bash I’d had arranged. I never took too much of a hand in running Babylon, that was what the manager was for, but I made sure that this party was going to be something special.

Still, that left three hours between now and then, and I knew that if I was going to put my plan in motion, I’d have to start soon.

Justin had promised me last night, in words, in action, that he was mine. He’d promised me that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he belonged to me.

Now it was my turn.

Fuck it. I wanted to do this. I’d wanted to since Christmas. Now it was time. I stared down at him and felt myself get hard.

I ran a finger lightly down his neck, how I knew he liked it. His skin goosebumped under my hand. He shivered. I did it again.

“Brian?” he mumbled, opening his eyes slowly.

“You can nap later, Sunshine,” I said.

“Mm.” He sat up and grinned at me. “Oh?”

“I have plans for you right now, and you’re going to have to be awake for them,” I said. I tugged him into my lap and kissed him, deep and slow.

He wriggled up against me, kissing me back. I could feel him getting hard, pressing against my stomach.

Fuck.

I pushed him off of me and we stood up, and I put my finger in the waistband of his underwear, and tugged him towards the bed.

He hesitated and waited for me to push him down onto it, but instead I sat down and tugged him after me. He tried to climb into my lap, but I lay down and pulled him on top of me.

He hesitated, and we lay like that, him on top of me, staring at each other. I was breathing heavily. He looked confused.

Then I spread my legs enough for him to drop between them.

That was all it took.

His eyes glazed over, his lips turned red, and his breathing got heavier. He ground his cock through his underwear and mine, against my ass.

He still wasn’t sure.

But I was.

I moaned. Hell, I groaned. It felt fucking good. I put a hand on the back of his neck and yanked his head down, kissing him hungrily, deeply. I sucked his tongue into my mouth and ran mine over it. But that wasn’t enough. I wanted more than that of him inside of me.

His hands were on my shoulders, then my chest, then the kiss was broken and his lips were following his hands. He sucked on my left nipple and pinched my right. He kissed and licked and nibbled his way down my chest, down my stomach. He dipped the tip of his tongue into my bellybutton.

I groaned again and arched my back.

“Fuck,” he moaned. He looked up at me and he looked hungry. He looked horny and hungry and like he wanted to fuck me more than anything.

I arched an eyebrow at him. What’s taking so long, Sunshine?

He yanked off my underwear, and I lifted my hips to help him. His hand was on my cock, then his mouth, and I moaned, arching into him.

My eyes were shut, but I could hear him slipping out of his underwear, and reaching for the lube and condoms. His mouth never left my cock.

I heard the lube pop open.

I felt one hand spreading my ass.

Then I felt cold. Cold, fucking cold lube right there. I tensed, sucked in a breath hard, and held it.

He lifted his head. I opened my eyes. He was staring at me.

I felt myself relax. I wanted this. I wanted him. Brian Kinney always gets what he wants.

The tip of his finger slid into me, then the first knuckle, then up to the second. I knew I was breathing erratically, and I tried to calm down, to breathe slow and deep, to keep myself under control.

But that was the point, wasn’t it? When I topped, I was under control. At least, a kind of control. I controlled the pace. I controlled the person I was fucking. I controlled myself, at least a little.

Right now, with his finger up my ass, Justin was in control. It was terrifying.

It was hot.

I caught my breath, finally relaxing again, when he slipped another finger in.

I groaned. It felt tight. It stretched. I could feel everything, his fingernails, his knuckles… I wasn’t used to this. It was going to hurt, no matter how much he prepped me.

I didn’t care.

He scissored his fingers inside of me gently, slowly getting them farther apart, and deeper, and then he brushed against that place inside of me that wasn’t used to direct stimulation.

I moaned again, and this time it was his name, and this time it was louder.

I was distantly aware that my hands were fisted in the sheets, and that I was covered in a sheen of cold sweat. All of that was being drowned out by the intense aching in my cock, the throbbing in my ass, and the look of lust on his face.

“Fuck me,” I groaned.

He inhaled deeply, sharply, and brushed against it again.

“Fuck,” I hissed out through gritted teeth. “Justin.”

With his free hand, he slipped on the condom. I watched, and I couldn’t help but spread my legs further, arching my back a little, pressing against those fingers that were still inside of me, but not against that spot.

“Fuck me,” I said again, this time louder. I wasn’t some fucking pussy bottom who’d beg. No, I wasn’t begging. I was demanding. “Fuck me now.”

He was flushed, and now he was breathing in light gasps, and his hands were trembling.

Then his fingers were pulled out, and I exhaled sharply, licking my lips quickly. My mouth was dry. Why the fuck wasn’t he inside me already?!

Then his hands were on either side of me, and my hands were on the back of his neck, pulling him down to stare at me, and my legs were spread, and my back was arched, and his cock was pressing against my hole.

And then he was inside.

I felt my whole body tense up at the sensation. He hesitated, just inside me, and I forced myself to relax. The tip of his cock slowly slid into me, and I felt it when it got past that first ring of muscle. I groaned and tightened around him again. One hand slid to his back, the other I dropped to the sheets. I had to hold onto something.

It stretched. It stung. It probably would have even hurt, if it didn’t feel so fucking good. I wanted this. I wanted him.

We were breathing heavily, deeply, trying to maintain some kind of control. I tried not to shove him into me, knowing that I would regret it later if I did. He tried not to thrust into me, despite his whole body trembling with need.

It took minutes for him to completely settle within me, and then he hung there, completely buried in me, and stared. His lips were dry, his face was flushed, and I could feel his pulse in his cock, deep inside of me.

The moment seemed to last forever. Our eyes were locked.

Then I tensed myself, squeezing his cock, and he moaned my name.

It was a blur after that.

He’d pull out and thrust back in, and it wasn’t slow, but it wasn’t as fast as it could have been. Instead, it was sure, direct, purposeful thrusts, each one meant to press right against my prostate.

And each one did.

At some point I lifted one leg, angling him just right. After that, I forgot everything.

I forgot that Brian Fucking Kinney only bottoms on invitation, and even then he doesn’t enjoy it that much. I forgot that Brian Fucking Kinney doesn’t moan people’s names, especially not with their cock up his ass. I forgot that Brian Kinney doesn’t say “fuck me, fuck me, Justin” over and over and over.

All I knew was the feel of his cock, his hard, throbbing cock, being thrust into my ass, the feel on his breath on my face and neck, the feel of his lips on mine, as he kissed me.

And then the feel of his hand on my cock.

I moaned. I fucking shouted. I called out for him.

Then I came.

White light and white hot heat went through me, and I felt it through my whole body. My eyes were open but I couldn’t focus them. I couldn’t see anything. I grit my teeth and exhaled sharply as the pleasure arched within me, down my spine, into my balls, and then out.

He moaned my name. He thrust a few more times, more erratically, and then he came, too.

Despite the condom, I could feel it. I could feel him throbbing inside me, I could feel the heat from his come filling the condom.

I shut my eyes and tried to breathe.

When I opened them again, he was still crouched over me, tying off the condom. He tossed it into the trash, and used his discarded underwear to wipe me off. I couldn’t find the strength to move, so I just let him do it. Then he wiped himself off, and tossed the cloth aside.

And then he collapsed next to me, panting.

I lay there, staring at the ceiling, feeling how fucking open I felt. And how empty.

“That’s what it feels like for you,” I heard myself say. My voice sounded fucked. My throat was raw. I must have really been yelling before.

“Mm?” he barely managed to say. His eyes were half-shut and he was in a daze.

“When I fuck you,” I said. I forced myself to roll onto my side to face him. I rested a hand on his waist. “That’s how it feels?”

He bit his lower lip, then nodded.

“I wondered,” I said.

He just stared at me.

I shut my eyes. I couldn’t look into his any longer, or I’d never catch my breath.

“I love you,” he whispered.

I felt myself grin. For once I didn’t feel guilty about not saying it back. If what we’d just done hadn’t shown him how I felt, nothing fucking would.

“I hope you realize that this isn’t going to become a habit,” I mumbled. “Brian Kinney only bottoms on occasion.”

I could hear the amusement in his voice when he responded. “Lucky me. Justin Taylor prefers it that way.”

I opened my eyes and stared at him for a long moment.

“But once in a while,” I said, “it feels pretty fucking good to do it the other way.” I inhaled deeply, and then sighed.

He smiled and rolled into me, our bodies hot and sticky with sweat, and pressed his forehead to mine. “Mmmmm.”

I nuzzled my nose to his and wrapped my arm around his waist, holding him against me.

“You’re fucking hot,” I said.

“I must be,” he replied. His eyes were shut. He looked like a cat who’d just had a bowl of the best fucking cream in the world.

“You hadn’t bottomed for anyone since you left?” I asked softly.

He didn’t open his eyes. “Nope,” was all he said.

I pursed my lips and thought about it before saying what I thought I should probably tell him. “Me either.”

His eyes opened again, wide this time, and then he shut them tightly.

He could have said ‘no big deal, you don’t usually anyway,’ but he didn’t. He could have brushed it off. But I think he knew. Sometimes even Brian Kinney wants to be fucked. The problem was, my standards were much higher when I was the fuckee.

My standards were Justin Taylor. No imitations, no replacements. Just him.

I meant to tell him that. I meant to find a way to say it, so that he’d know… so he’d know that I was his as much as he was mine.

Except I was pretty sure he understood already.

We fell asleep like that. We didn’t wake up for an hour.

***

We’d arrived hours late to the diner, because we’d overslept, and laid in bed too long after we woke up, and took a long shower, and basically because I was stalling.

My ass hurt. I knew I had to force myself to walk normally, and not to wince when I sat, and to act completely normal, as if I hadn’t just let Justin top me.

So when we arrived at the diner and everyone else had already given up and moved on to Babylon long ago, I didn’t really mind. We got the pink plate special, and we ate quickly before moving on to Babylon.

The lights were flashing, the glitter was falling, and the whole place smelled of men. It was heaven.

No, not quite. There was a better place to be, but one couldn’t spend all of one’s time in Justin’s ass. He’d probably want to get up and eat or pee or something stupid like that after a few hours. So Babylon was the next best thing.

“Well, look who it is!” Emmet said, waving us over as we walked in.

“Where the hell were you?” Michael asked, looking annoyed.

“Fucking,” I replied. We joined the boys on the sidelines, overlooking the dance floor.

Justin smirked at me. I chuckled.

Michael sighed and shook his head. Ben grinned at him. “At least they’re here.”

“Of course we’re here, I wouldn’t miss Babylon on New Years,” I replied.

“Just think,” Ted said, leaning against the railing next to us. “In a few years, Gus will be joining us.”

I nodded. “He could have this time, but his mothers would have killed me. They leave tomorrow, and they wanted to spend New Years with fellow munchers.”

“Poor Gus,” Justin said.

“Well, maybe next year he’ll be here with us!” Michael said. “I mean, you’re here, with Brian, and we never thought that would happen.”

Justin just smiled.

I wrapped an arm around his waist and tugged him close to myself. I wanted to be close to him. I wanted to feel his skin against my hands, and to be able to smell him.

“I’m glad you’re both happy,” Ben said.

“You are happy, aren’t you?” Blake asked, grinning at me.

I smirked and nodded, my gaze not leaving Justin’s face. “I am.”

Justin’s smile widened and he beamed at me, and I remembered once again why Debbie had named him Sunshine.

“To be honest, sometimes I didn’t think you’d even live this long,” Emmet said.

I rolled my eyes at him. “That’s because you’re a drama queen,” I replied.

Michael smiled at me and shook his head. Well, he knew better. Sometimes I hadn’t thought I’d live this long, either.

Turns out persistence and determination can pay off after all. That’s another lesson my Sunshine taught me.

“So?” Ted said. “There are a lot of hot guys out there, just waiting to see who Brian Kinney fucks this New Years.”

“They say,,” Emmet began., “if Brian makes you come before the clock strikes twelve, you turn back into a pumpkin, but if you can hold out, you get to stay a princess forever!”

“I think you’ve got your fairy tales mixed up,” Justin said, laughing. “So?” he asked, giving me a slightly nervous grin. “Who’s going to be the lucky man this year?”

“Yeah,” Michael said, nodding towards the dance floor. “There are a lot of hot guys out there, and you’ve only got a few minutes to decide.”

I glanced over the dance floor, pretending to consider, then finally my gaze landed on Justin, beside me.

“Hmm. I think you’ll do.”

Justin smiled at me. “You don’t have to-“

“I want to,” I replied.

Justin flushed and his smile widened, and I couldn’t help but smile back. Fuck, but I was giddy. It was an unfamiliar feeling. Usually I only felt this way if I was high, or fucking, or driving really fast. Adrenaline, giddiness, that rush… I felt it now, and all I was doing was looking at him.

Suddenly, the music faded and a drag queen, dressed in sparkling silver and white with a huge clock on the front of her dress, appeared on a platform that was raising from the floor. “It’s almost time, kiddies! Get ready to count!”

The boys, my friends, were all turning to their partners, (Emmet had a particularly attractive and large, muscular man at his side.) I put an arm around Justin’s waist and pulled him close.

The countdown began.

10!

I leaned in and pressed the tip of my nose to Justin’s.

9!

He smiled at me and lifted his hand to the back of my neck.

8!

Our lips brushed briefly, lightly.

7!

We kissed again, this time deeper.

6!

My tongue was in his mouth.

5!

The kiss deepened, and he moaned.

4!

I broke the kiss and looked at him.

3!

“Justin,” I said.

2!

He cocked his head at me, smiling.

1!

It was about fucking time that I said it.

“I love you.”

Glitter exploded from the ceiling in silver and gold, the music started up again, and everyone cheered. The noise was deafening, the glitter was blinding, and I barely noticed any of it.

The look on Justin’s face was far more important.

His eyes were wide and his lips were parted, and he looked shocked.

I arched an eyebrow at him, briefly concerned that he might actually not say it in return.

“I love you, too…” he whispered.

Fuck, yes.

I pulled him into another kiss, this one wet and deep and passionate.

I gave that kiss a full minute before breaking it to pull him to the dance floor. We’d dance a few dances, and then I’d take him back to the loft. This was going to be a year I wasn’t going waste, and I wanted to start it right.

So en garde who knows what the fates have in store
from their vast mysterious sky?
I'll try hard ignoring those lips I adore
but how long can anyone try?

Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight it with all of our might,
chances are some heavenly star spangled night
we'll find out as sure as we live
something's gotta give, something's gotta give,
something's gotta give.

***

Song: Something’s Got to Give by Johnny Mercer

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