“Sunshine,” Brian’s voice said uncharacteristically softly. Gods, it hurt to hear his voice, but at the same time it lessened the pain he’d felt all day.
Justin bit his lower lip and adjusted the receiver more firmly against his ear before speaking. “The plane ride sucked.” He was going to talk to Brian as naturally as possible, damnit. He was going to ignore the sharp pain in his chest and talk to him just like he always had. It was the only way to keep things going, despite the distance.
“I wouldn’t know, I always fly first-class,” Brian replied, his tone clearly implying just how annoyed he was that Justin hadn’t taken him up on his offer for tickets like that for himself. Justin only winced a little.
“There was this kid behind me screaming the whole way,” Justin said, continuing to keep his voice as natural as possible. He so wasn’t going to start crying just because he was talking to Brian. He wasn’t some fucking little faggot.
Brian didn’t reply, but Justin could hear his breath, slow and deep. Well, this wasn’t awkward at all. Determined, Justin continued babbling.
“I went to this pizza place Daphne’s friend said was good, and it sucked. And now I’m getting ready to sleep on their sofa, and it feels like it’s full of rocks. If you see that so-called friend of mine, punch her in the arm for me.” Justin switched the phone to his other ear, as if that would make the phone conversation more comfortable. It didn’t.
“Complaining and self-pity makes my dick soft,” was Brian’s retort.
Anyone else would have been hurt or offended, but that just made Justin laugh. It felt good to laugh, even if it hurt at the same time. “Well, since the hottest ass in ml:namespace prefix = st1 />
Brian snorted, but he didn’t disagree. Justin was relieved at that, at least. He wasn’t up for being teased too harshly at the moment. Not that he would cry if Brian did. He so wasn’t going to cry.
“I guess I should try to sleep now, rocks or no rocks,” Justin said, lying back on the sofa and hesitating before speaking again. “I’ll call you again tomorrow, though.”
“I’ll be out,” was Brian’s reply.
“Well, I’ll leave a message,” Justin said, trying to sound cheerful. “After all, who else is going to give me advice on which apartment to rent? I’ll go look around tomorrow, and then you can let me know what sounds good-“
“Your mom would be better,” Brian stated, his voice beginning to sound flat. “She is a realtor.”
Justin gritted his teeth. He was NOT going to cry. He was NOT going to fucking cry talking to Brian on the phone after being away from him for a mere 8 hours. “Then I’ll call you just to talk. I’m allowed to do that.”
“I’d rather you didn’t,” Brian said after a short pause. “You need to focus on your art, and your new life. I don’t fit into that.” His voice betrayed his feelings for a short moment, and he sounded genuinely sad. Maybe Justin wasn’t the only one that SO wasn’t going to cry. “Besides,” Brian continued, his voice hard again. “I’m busy with work, and I go out every night.”
Justin shut his eyes tightly, feeling them stinging with the sensation of tears forming in them after an entire day of suppressing it. “Well, once a week then-“
“I already told you, I’m busy.” Brian was gone now. Brian was shut down. His defense mechanisms in place, his wall already built up almost to full strength. Brian isn’t here right now, leave a message at the beep.
“Brian, I miss you, I don’t want to lose you just because we’re two fucking hours away from each other. I love-“ Justin began, but he was cut off.
“Don’t. I can’t. You’re there, I’m here. That’s how it is.” Brian was silent for a moment, and Justin was sure the other man could hear his breathing quicken, a sure sign that he was indeed about to cry. “And don’t fucking cry.”
“I’m not crying,” Justin said, beginning to cry. “I’m not some fucking little faggot.”
A small twinge of regret in his voice, Brian replied, “No. You’re not.”
There was a pause as Justin trembled, tears rolling down his cheeks despite his efforts to stop them.
“Goodnight, Sunshine,” Brian said, and there was a click as he hung up.
Justin cried that night. He cried for a very, very long time. It was over. Brian was gone. Brian wasn’t going to try. How could he have expected him to? Hell, it had been hard enough when he’d been there every moment that he could, carefully breaking the walls that surrounded him down, brick by fucking brick. Now he wasn’t there, now he’d left, and he knew that even though Brian had practically shoved him out of the door, in a way he’d abandoned the older man.
It was over.