So maybe that was a bad idea.

I had Brian pissed at me. I had Gus pissed at me. And the ride back from Gus’s school was like Chinese water torture.

No one said a word. Gus I’m assuming because he was jealous and angry that I was having dinner with ‘the man of his dreams’. And Brian because he was jealous and angry because he thought I was having dinner with ‘the man of MY dreams’.

Either way maybe that wasn’t such a good idea.

The minute I walked into Mario’s, I wanted to turn right around and go back home. This restaurant was romantic and intimate. Just like Ethan always was.

The hostess ushered me to the table and as soon as Ethan saw me he flashed that toothy smile I had known so well 12 years ago. A smile, for a long time, I thought would be the smile I would see forever.

“Hey!” Ethan kissed my cheek quickly and pulled my chair out for me. Guess some things never change.

“Hey. You look great.” And he did. Dressed in a tailored black suit jacket and pants, a purple shirt underneath with no tie. Perfect musician attire.

“I was going to tell you the same thing. Wow. You still don’t look a day over 21.” He flashed the smile at me again and I felt myself blush. Fuck.

“Brian says the same thing.” I folded my napkin over my knees and looked down at the table.

“Well, he did like you young.”

“Ethan…”

“Okay, Okay. I’m sorry. No bad remarks about Brian. Dually noted.” He made a zipping gesture across his lips and I smiled at him.

“Thanks.”

“So,” He began. “Married. With children. Who would have thought?”

“I know.” I took a small sip of my water and finally looked into his eyes. Okay, bad idea.

“How long you been married?” Ethan asked.

“Not long. About 6 months.”

“Really? But…” He looked confused.

I let out a small sigh and began. “I spent 10 years in New York. I did pretty well out there. Had my own gallery. I liked it but…”

“But this was your home.” He finished.

“Yeah. I missed it. I missed my family.” I smiled. “I missed Brian.”

“I guess some things are just meant to be.” His eyes darkened with sadness.

“They are.” I told him matter of factly.

He looked into my eyes and bit the inside of his mouth. That was a new quirk. I’d never seen that one before.

“So tell me about you.” I said trying to lighten the subject.

“Well, I spent about 3 years in Boston doing the symphony there. Then I spent about 5 in Europe until I decided to come home. Tried to get a job at PIFA for old times sake but their staff was full so I sent out my resume to a few private schools and here I am.”

“Wow. So a teacher huh? Never would have suspected.”

“I like it. Makes me feel useful I guess.” He shrugged and there was the vulnerability I knew all too well.

“So you live in West Virginia?”

“Yeah bought a house with my enormous wealth.” He snorted.

I nodded.

“You?”

“Yeah, Brian and I have a house. Gus lives with us. He was living with his mothers in Canada but…it’s a long story.”

“I looked for you when I came back.” He blurted out.

“I…what?” I asked.

“Just wanted to see if you were still…around. I figured you might have been cause of Brian but…the couple of people I ran into said you weren’t.”

“People? Like who?”

“Well I went to the diner and saw um…” He scratched his head. “Elliot?”

“Emmett?”

“Yeah! Him. He said you didn’t live in Pittsburgh anymore. That’s all he’d say.”

Thank you Emmett.

“Ethan…”

“I’m sorry for what happened. You know, between us. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“I know. But Ethan, we were kids. I mean I was 19 for Christ sakes. Who knew if that would have lasted even if you hadn’t of cheated.”

He shook his head and fumbled with his silverware.

“That’s why I did it.”

“Huh?”

“That’s why I cheated. I knew it wouldn’t last. I figured, what does it matter? He’ll go back to him eventually anyway.”

Oh.

My.

God.

“I trusted you. I CHOSE you Ethan.”

“No, you came with me that night to prove a point. That you could walk away. But I never really had you Justin. We both know that. And seeing you, now, with him still. Married, with a kid, and a house. I know I did the right thing. He’s the one you were meant to be with. Not me. It hurts, because I thought about you for a long time. I probably always will.”

I reached across the table and held his hand. His fingers intertwined with mine and he looked up at me, his eyes wet.

“Ethan, I loved you. I did. I cared so much about you. But…”

“I know. I know. You don’t have to explain.”

“I'm IN love Brian.”

“I know that too.”

We sat like that for a long time, holding hands. We talked about the past, the present. The future. He said he was seeing someone. Another teacher at the school. He didn’t know where it would go, but it was a start.

I told him all about New York and Brian and Gus. He said he could see parts of me in Gus. That made my heart skip a beat.

When dinner was over, he walked me to my car and hugged me tightly. He told me how happy he was for me, and if I ever needed anything, or ever wanted to just hang out, he’d be there. I told him the same.

I drove back home, a feeling of sadness but fullness in my heart.

There were times I still thought about Ethan over the last 12 years. If I had made the right decision just leaving the way I did. Wondering if I should have forgave him. But he had done it not to hurt me. But to set me free.

I opened the door to my home and hung my jacket next to the door. I turned to find Gus standing at the bottom of the stairs, arms folded.

“Well???” He demanded.

“Well what?”

“What happened?”

“We ate. That’s normally what people do in restaurants.”

“Don’t give me that crap DAD.”

“Gus.” I touched his shoulder and looked in his eyes. “Don’t worry. He’s all yours.”

“Yeah?” His eyes sparkled and he followed me up the stairs. “Did he say that? Did he mention me? What did he say? DAD???”

I closed the door in his face as I walked into the bedroom. I found Brian sitting upright in bed, glasses on, reading over some paperwork, the 10 o’clock news on.

“Hey.” I said gently, removing my shirt.

“Mmm.” He murmurs.

“What’s that?” I asked pointing the paper work in his hands.

“New account.” He grumbled.

Great. He was still pissed.

I got dressed in my comfy flannel pajama pants and an old paint stained t-shirt and climbed into bed and tried to focus on the news. He was tense next to me. I could feel it. He finally set down the paper work onto the bedside table and removed his glasses. I shut the TV off and he flicked the light off.

The room was silent for a while.

“So what happened?” He finally asked.

“We fucked on the table. It was hot.”

I heard him growl in the darkness. Okay so maybe that wasn’t funny.

“Nothing Brian. We had dinner and talked. That’s it.”

He remained silent.

I rolled onto my side and threw one arm around him. I pressed my nose into his shoulder.

“He said the reason he cheated was because he knew eventually I’d leave him for you anyway.”

Brian rolled his head and looked at me.

“Well it’s true.” He told me.

“I know.” I whispered.

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me, his tongue sliding next to mine gently.

“I told him I loved you. I only wanted you. I always have.” He groaned and pinned me down onto the bed. His hands ran up my sides and he sucked on the patch of skin right underneath my ear.

“You know…we haven’t…yet…” He whispered against my ear.

I moaned softly and wrapped my legs around his waist.

“Please…” I whimpered. “I’m yours.”

“Mine.” He growled.

He undressed me slowly, savoring the sight of my pale skin against the sheets like he always does. But this time as he was about to be inside me he didn’t reach for a condom.

If there was one thing that would prove to Brian just how much I was his, it was that.

Inside me.

Raw.

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