Look, I told you, I'm not your lover. I'm not your partner. I'm not even your friend. You’re not anything to me.

I could be, if you gave me a chance.

When I woke up, I heard the soft sound of music being played downstairs, and young voices talking and laughing. I rolled onto my side to find Justin still lying there, deep asleep, with the most peaceful expression I’d ever see on his face. I lay there a few minutes, watching him sleep, and feeling… oddly content.

I kissed his forehead and slipped out of bed, putting on my sweatpants before leaving the room. He needed to sleep. I needed a little time to clear my head before he looked at me with those deep blue eyes again. The night before had been… intense wasn’t a good enough word. I needed coffee, and painkillers for the dull pain in my ass, and a smoke before I was going to be able to process it.

So when I got to the door to my office and found it open, and Gus and Molly sitting on the futon, giggling and passing a joint between them, I was almost annoyed. And then I heard what the music they were listening to was.

“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.”

“Christ,” I grunted. “That’s some fucking irony.”

“Shit!” Gus yelped, and then started coughing hard. “Dad, I-“

“Oh, fuck,” Molly muttered. “Now we’re in for it.”

I snorted and walked into the room, shoved Gus aside to make room for myself on the left side of the futon, and snatched the joint away from him. The soft burn felt good in my throat and chest, and when I exhaled I already felt more centered.

“Dad, um-“ Gus started to say.

I shook my head and nodded at the record player, which was softly humming as it played the record. “What the fuck are you doing going through my shit? And what’s the youngest ml:namespace prefix = st1 />Taylor doing here?”

Molly smiled at me, shrugging. Her eyes were glazed over and bloodshot. “I ran into Gus at the diner and told him I’d give him a ride home, if he hooked me up. You always have the best stuff.”

Gus looked unbelievably pleased to have Molly spending time with him, so I decided not to give him shit, at least not right then.

I nodded back at the record player. “I haven’t listened to this record in…” I squinted at the record player and tried to remember exactly how long it had been. I couldn’t.

“We only smoked a little,” Gus muttered, and he was probably telling the truth. He got high fast, from what I’d witnessed.

“It’s fine, sonnyboy,” I said, handing the joint across him to Molly. “But next time ask first.”

Gus slowly smiled at me, and Molly beamed.

I leaned back against the futon, listening to the music, and felt it sink into me. “Redemption Songs, huh?”

“What?” Gus asked, as Molly handed the joint back to him.

“The song,” I said.

Molly nudged Gus and nodded at me. “I don’t think his lesbian mothers have educated him very well in the ways of reggae.”

I felt myself laugh. “Yeah, Melanie wouldn’t approve of her son listening to what she considers stoner music. And…”

Gus coughed again, handing the last of the joint to me. “And what?”

“And it reminds Lindsay of me,” I said. I finished the joint off and felt pleasantly buzzed and light. This was definitely the way to start a day off work.

“You and mom used to get high all the time, huh?” Gus asked, glancing at Molly.

“Mm, in college,” I said, watching them.

“Is it true the two of you dated?” Molly asked, wrinkling her nose in a way that was uncomfortably similar to Justin.

“Fuck, no” I laughed, coughing a little. “That’s just the shit we let our parents assume.” I felt a pang in my chest at the memory of Joan’s face when she first met Lindsay, and how hopeful she’d been that I’d finally be what she wanted. I pushed the thought aside easily, and mentally thanked the marijuana-gods.

“But you fucked,” Molly said.

“Ugh, do we have to talk about this?!” Gus moaned, hitting Molly with a throw pillow.

Molly laughed and grabbed a pillow of her own, smacking Gus with it. “What? They’re both your parents!”

“But it’s still weird! And totally gross!” Gus said, laughing, as Molly smacked him in the face with the pillow.

I watched them silently. Molly hadn’t just shown up at my place in years, and never to spend time with sonnyboy. Something was up.

“What happened?” I asked, looking right at Molly.

Gus blinked at me, and then turned to stare at her curiously. “What?”

Molly opened her mouth, then shut it and made a face. “You’re too fucking perceptive, Kinney.”

I snorted and shook my head. “You’re just too obvious.”

Molly stared at me, then shrugged stiffly. “My boyfriend and I… we sort of broke up.”

Gus’ eyebrows shot up, but to his credit, he didn’t smile or show any sign that he was a little more than pleased about it. “Shit.”

Molly sighed and rolled her eyes, running her fingers through her hair. “Well, we wanted different things, and neither of us were willing to compromise.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Sometimes her similarities to her brother were too much to handle. “What, he didn’t get down on one knee and offer up a diamond ring?”

Molly’s cheeks flushed and she averted her gaze, shrugging stiffly.

Gus’ jaw dropped. “He DID!”

It was my turn to be surprised. “No shit?”

“Yeah,” she muttered, looking back at me with a nervous expression. “He was really rich. And hot. Maybe I made a mistake.”

I snorted and shrugged, ignoring Gus’ nervous fidgeting. “So why didn’t you say yes?”

Molly made a face and got up from the futon, slowly pacing, fidgeting with her fingers. “He just… he was sweet. He was really sweet. He liked… holding hands, and having romantic dinners, and…” She sighed and dropped her hands to her sides, shrugging at us. “He was so boring!”

I burst into laughter, only stopping when Gus nudged me sharply in the ribs with his elbow. I pinched his arm and he scowled at me.

“I thought girls liked romance and diamonds,” I drawled, reaching for another joint from my stash.

Molly made a face. “Not in the Taylor family. Justin’s the one who likes that crap.”

I nodded, smoking silently. She was right. She’d always been more level-headed than Sunshine.

“So you don’t… want to get married…?” Gus asked slowly. I could see the wheels turning in his head.

“Well, not now!” Molly huffed and sat back down on the futon. “Maybe when I’m older… but right now I just want to date, and have fun, and go to college, and… not worry about that stuff.”

Gus smiled at her and patted her on the back. “Sounds reasonable to me.”

Molly shot him a look, brushing his hand off of her. “That’s because you want me for yourself.”

I stuck my tongue in my cheek, and tried not to laugh.

But sonnyboy surprised me. He handled it well. “Yeah, I do. But it’s more important that you do what makes you happy. So if you wanna wait to get serious about anybody, then you should do that.”

Molly flushed slightly and blinked owlishly at him.

Gus’ face lit up with a huge smile and he patted her on the back again. “Of course, the fact that that gives me more of a chance just makes it even better!”

Molly laughed and shoved Gus playfully. “You Kinneys never give up, do you?”

“Ah, I’m afraid that’s probably something he learned from your brother, not me,” I said,, my voice thick as I exhaled a cloud of smoke.

“Ugh. You call my brother dad, and you seriously want me to date you? Plus you’re in high school.” Molly tossed her hair, looking superior.

“I’m mature for my age,” Gus said, smiling toothily at her. “You’ll give me a chance eventually.”

Molly rolled her eyes, but said nothing. Maybe sonnyboy was right.

I was about to get up to go find a snack for us when I looked up to see Justin standing in the doorway. His eyes were comically large, his hair still a mess from bed, and he was wearing his old paint-stained jeans and a faded t-shirt. He looked fucking adorable.

“Hey, Sunshine,” I said cheerfully.

Justin’s jaw dropped, and I waited for the queen-out.

“What are you doing?!” he asked, stalking into the room. He glared at me, then Gus, then Molly. “What are you even doing here?!”

Molly shrugged. “Getting stoned.”

Justin shot me a venomous look and I snorted, trying to repress a laugh. “You think this is funny?!”

“I think it’s hilarious,” I said cheerfully.

“It’s no big deal, dad,” Gus said, hopping up. He grinned at Molly. “I’ve got a huge box of Cap’n Crunch in the kitchen.”

“With crunchberries?” Molly asked, eyes narrowed.

“What other kind is there?!” Gus asked, making a face.

Molly smiled widely and hopped up. “Lead the way.”

I snorted, amused, and watched them walk past a very ruffled looking Justin as they left the room.

“You’re a terrible influence,” Justin muttered, walking over to me.

I grabbed him as soon as he was within reaching distance, and yanked him into my lap, grinning widely at him. “You should know.” I handed him the joint, and he took it, inhaling deeply.

“Did you sleep well?” he asked slowly as he smoked.

I nodded and cocked my head, sliding my hands up into his hair. “Your sister rejected her boyfriend’s proposal and dumped him, and now sonnyboy thinks he’s got a chance.”

Justin sighed heavily and rested his forehead against mine. “Well, what will be will be.” He finished the joint and tossed the roach into the trash.

I shut my eyes and slid one hand around his waist, the other still in his hair. He smelled like sex and sleep. “Mm,” was all I could say. I sighed happily when he started stroking his fingers through my hair. That felt good. Months ago Sunshine and I had gotten high together while Gus was at his friend’s house. We spent hours just touching each other. He told me I was just like a cat when I was high, that I liked to be petted and that I purred. Maybe he was right.

“What’s this?” Justin asked soflty, lifting his head to look at the record player.

I blinked at him. “The Wailers,” I said. What did he mean, what’s this? “The original LP of ‘Legend’.”

“Oh,” he said hesitantly.

“Please don’t tell me you don’t like reggae,” I groaned, tracing my fingers down his neck. “First westerns, and now this?”

He giggled and swatted my hand away. “It’s okay, I guess.”

“Okay? It’s okay?!” I pushed him off of my lap onto the futon and got up to flip the record over. “It’s more than okay, Sunshine.”

Justin was rolling his eyes at me. I didn’t have to turn around to know that. Fuck, but why did I have to marry someone with such bad taste in movies and music? I made a mental note to burn every single one of his “indie rock” CDs in the fireplace. Now that would be romantic.

I turned around as the music started to play, and grinned at him. I knew I was being ridiculous. I knew I was high, and I should probably keep my mouth shut if I wanted to maintain my pride, but… fuck that. When it came to Justin, my pride was long-gone. “Bob Marley and the Wailers aren’t okay.”

Justin laughed and shook his head. “Fine, fine. They’re good. They’re great.”

“Damn right they’re great,” I said, kneeling on the futon and crawling back over to him.

“So if they’re so great, how come I haven’t heard you play them before?” Justin asked as I put a hand on the center of his chest and pushed him onto his back.

I hesitated, staring down at him, grinning in what was probably an idiotic, stupid way. “It’s not the kind of music I listen to unless I’m happy.”

“And are you happy, Mr. Kinney?” Justin asked softly, running his hands up my bare chest.

I ducked my head and nuzzled my face into his hair, making him giggle.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he said, sliding his hands up my arms.

I shut my eyes, pressing my face into his neck and the music began to play.

“Are you…humming?” he asked, half-giggling.

Shit. Was I? Yeah. I was. I chuckled at the realization, and hummed louder against his neck.

He sighed happily, running his fingers through my hair and down my neck and shoulders. “Guess you’re feeling better after all.”

I shrugged a little, and hummed, placing a kiss on the nape of his neck, then another one a few inches up, then another one. Little goosebumps raised up on his skin and I ran my tongue up the rest of the way to his ear, and then hummed softly into it.

Justin’s voice was low and soft when he spoke. “Mm, you’ve never serenaded me to get into my pants.”

I snorted and nipped at his ear, feeling light and just a little more giddy than usual. It was as if the heaviness and depression of the past few days was… not gone, but lighter. Turning to Justin the night before, letting him fuck me, letting him take care of me for once… it felt like I had literally shared that weight with him. It felt… good. And right now, that’s all that mattered.

“I wanna love you, and treat you right,” I sang as low and soft as I could, against his ear.

He gasped softly, wriggling a little under me and giggling softly. “Brian,” he said, in the tone he only uses when I surprise him by being nicer to him than he expects. As nice as that is, I wanted to get to the point where I could be affectionate and have him not be shocked.

So I kissed behind his ear softly, and kept singing along.